Thursday, August 23, 2007
Before I start with this post, I would like to apologise for leaving you guys hanging with my life and leaving some of you worried. There are some who I wish to further extend my sorries to.
First of all, my parents:
I'm sorry. I was at an absent state of mind. All I was thing was "me". I was too self-centered and was caught within my mind-boggling box. It was a silly choice I made without having to think over some of the issues rationally. I've came to learn my lesson.
Second would be the friends who have much contributed:
Firstly, Gerald Ooi... I'm sorry that i said you chicken out without having to get the clear picture of the situation and I'm sorry that you had to drag your dad all the way to get me when I had already left with another friend.
Second: Beatrice, you too came, trying to save me from the terror but only found no one at the empty bus stop.
Third: Joel, Thanks for talking and going through my situation together through the long phone calls and introducing me to Gerald Sellan.
So here comes the cream of the story: Gerald Sellan, Your words somehow was meaningful and hurtful enough to make me realise what a mess i've put myself in and finally making me decide to go home. I owe you a Molten Chocolate!
Finally, the person who gave me shelter and food and care while I was on this crazy journey : Yap Tsu Sheng and Family, I am sorry for including you guys in this conflict of mine, but you guys took it with poise and gave me great hospitality though at times I felt that I was just an extra burden.
And those who prayed or tried to contact me in any ways but had thier calls rejected, please accept my apology.
I know it is quite late to continue the story where I left hanging previously. At first I didnt think I would write it, but here I am now.
After the dramatic night, I called it a night after having teary eyes on and off. It was hurting deep inside as I knew it was really silly, wrong, crazy, outragous.... of me to do something like this. No one in the right state of mind would have executed such an act! Questions filled my mind, but no answers were made as my brain was frozen after the fright I had over what I did. Somehow, God permitted me to sleep.
But the doze was just for a short while, in a few hours my eyes just opened as if I just had shut them for a second. I was absorbing the layouts of the "new" bedroom. I stayed in the bed and dare not to get up as though there was something pulling me back, it was fatigue and stress that was the force.
I stayed there doing nothing productive for at least 2-3 hours. My mind was blank, my feelings were numb, i felt nothing! My phone rang, there it was, a message from my mum, I could tell the frustration she has and the sadness through her text. Suddenly a jolt pass right across the nerves, and I was feeling angry but then it melted my soft heart and it turned into sorrow. Slowly, my cheeks were wet and my eyes were red. I picked up the phone and started replying, it was a hard decision if I should make the reply.
After that, I came out of the room, wash up and went to join my host and the afternoon passed by with television as our third companion. His mother was a really good speaker, somehow she knew what I was going through and I can tell that she is very understanding and very caring. Nearly everytime when we are having a conversation, I always hope that my mum would be much more like her. But maybe its not that my mum is not understanding, but its the difference in our worlds and the same strong characteristics makes us clash when we try to communicate.
Before the eveing sun sets, I and Yap have started planning on how to get to the concert which I wanted to go with a few friends before all this happen. My little journey made people's fuse blow and end up walking out on my invitation, leaving me with 8 extra tickets. Honestly, I don't blame them or hate them for their actions. I deserved it.
After the function, I called up Joel who had been trying to help me since the previous night, and he hooked me up with one of his friends who is way older and ofcourse has more life experiences, Gerald Sellan. He gave out nuggets of wisdom like a old chinese "si fu"(master). The words made me regret everything I've done, I wasnt proud of what I did. It wasnt cool, it was nothing. One thing he said that really worked, " If you want to run away, go ahead and never go home! Don't you dare plan to go back after a few days!"
It is never too late to turn over a new leaf. After hanging up the phone, I started packing and told Yap's mum if she could drop me home, I knew at that point that I was doing something right and maybe give my parents a little surprise. After we had our last heart to heart conversation on what I should be come of after this and what should I do after this and made it clear. I was dropped back home.
Everything went just fine after that, we were able to tolerate each other, have fun like a family and talk without having to hide from one another. So out of the blues, there was something new.
Conclusion, I ran away for only 24++ Hours! I'm so dependent that I can never be too far away from home! Unless me!
And I've learnt my lesson and I hope with this I can help others.
silenced at 8/23/2007 06:19:00 AM
