Thursday, August 23, 2007
All the while you have made your life as colourful as possible, making it idealistic, and it is always your getaway from the eyes of reality, a "personal-timeout". You gave all the fields a fair share of your life, spread your time across: Academic, Music, Sports, etc.
At times, you may have made the balance tilt due to the active involvement in something you are passionate about. Doing it was something you loved, but you knew that this activity could only be done in your youth, because you know that soon you'll have to move onto a career life and a family life, leaving all this in the pass.
My youth still has a long way to go, but now I'm barely holding onto what I really enjoy doing. The hopes and dreams of excelling in my sports are yet to prevail or to come true, but yet something is always on my tail, pulling me back. Creating a big barrier which I have to overcome. Normally, the solutions would be sacrifice. It has always been a lose-lose or a win-lose situation.
Recently, I was given a prestigious opportunity to compete nationals and go Internationals (with an easy route). To do so I had to have full attention on something, but you'll have to juggle all your other stuff at the same time. The problem rose when I lost my grip and "dropping" all my responsibilities. In this case, it was my school work. I didnt have the motivation to do my work after training, you get really exhausted and then you lie dead on your bed, just hoping it will complete by itself. I set the alarm and plan to do my work after waking up but that was never a possibility, I'll just snooze right through to the next day, leaving the homeworks for the next day.
But as the days went by, I started to slack on everything. I was losing myself spiritually and emotionally. I would be wandering about though there was something I had to do. So what happen to the things I normally do? It all turned into nothing. I just followed blindly.
Until something hit me, it was then did I had to hand in my homework, I realised that I had to rush like some crazy mad cow. During then, I asked myself," What have I got myself into? I'm just living out a dream that was now empty."
As I grew, I started to learn that there isnt something called a "perfect life", you may plan how you want it to be staying really close to perfect, but not all of it come in your favor. At some point, I gave up on everything which i felt "intimate" with and broke down. These included my love for athletics, the urge to pursue and explore Karate, the gain of experience in Young Enterprise, etc.
The horror was that, academic would replace the time taken to do those activities mentioned above. It was all replaced into tuition! I cant believe it!
At the point of getting hit by what I threw (what I did always comes back to me), I had no choice and all my will was given to God.
After the tears had dried, the scars had healed, I felt like a new person. In the course of healing, I picked up a few new gigs and look at things in a new way and walk it differently from how I use to. I may become fatter due to the lack of exercise (and enjoying food which I love) compared to my previous schedule.
At this time of disturbance in myself, I hope people will tolerate me. I've been making choices without thinking and offending some people. It still is a long journey to recover from my "LOSS"(not a major one), and it stars here.
silenced at 8/23/2007 06:13:00 AM
